As The World Turns-Just so Happens It is Really Fast

1000 Miles Per Hour-That is how fast the world actually spins on its axis.  It was also the title of my mother's favorite soap opera show when I was a child.  Finally, it is also about how fast I feel these past few months have gone since my last post.  I hate that it has been that long as I really enjoy writing this blog for as much as I hope it helps others out there, it has been very beneficial for both myself and my family.

What Have We Been Up To Lately?
Well since my last post we welcomed two beautiful girls into our lives on April 24th.  Liliana Margaret and Madelyn Rose were brought into this world by their beautiful mother about 15 minutes apart.  They have been a complete blessing to our lives and we constantly amazed at how lucky we are to have these little blessings.  Thus these girls are also the reason I have not been able to write as much as I would have love to recently.  I would love to attempt to write about their daily lives and progress, but you would be much better reading Sarah's blog about our girls to find out about that.  You can find her blog at http://sarahhession6.blogspot.com/ for all the latest updates on our girls.  Let's just say from my standpoint we have been really busy!! My hope is to have new blogs in the near future reflecting on the first few months of our lives with the girls from a dad's point of view and their are too many experiences to sum up in this one blog.

New Career Opportunity
Shortly between bringing Maddie (Madelyn) home from the NICU and traveling back and forth to see Lily (Liliana), I received a call from my superintendent asking to meet with me one day while I was home with the girls.  I was caught a little off guard by the request and I think Sarah's comment was, "You aren't going to get fired are you?"  Well no I didn't get fired, in fact I was offered a new exciting opportunity to become the next Director of Finance of the school corporation.  This was a position I had always dreamed of moving into one day, I just never thought it would happen this soon.  After some discussion between Sarah and I over the new expectations and job requirements, I accepted the position and moved into the role on July 1st.  It has been a crazy transition, but one that I have enjoyed and look forward to continuing.

What's Next?
My hope is to pick back up with my writing and sharing of being a dad of multiples and the challenges that it brings.  We knew we would go through some stressful times, but to be honest in many ways what we thought would be our biggest challenges have not been as much and others have been much more challenging than we ever could have thought.  However, it is through these ups and downs that I hope to share what we have learned and continue to learn as we walk through this path of life.

To Know or Not to Know....That is the Question!

Lately there has been a battle raging in the Gardner household between Sarah and I.  Ok maybe a little dramatic with that statement. We have gone back and forth the past couple of weeks trying to come to a decision or agreement. Each day one of swings back or forth on the issue hoping to find some common ground or a compromise.  What can't Sarah and I agree on is.....whether or not to find out the gender of the twins. 

When we first found out we were having twins, Sarah and I were both in a general agreement to find out the gender of the twins.  We felt with all of the craziness we would have going on in our lives trying to prepare for their arrival, it would be beneficial to know this ahead of time.  Recently however Sarah moved 180 degrees on me and has stated she does not want to find out the sex of the babies and instead wishes to wait until the birth.  While I was definitely shocked at this, I think the person most taken aback was Sarah's Aunt Kater.  When Sarah mentioned this to her, she was worried she wouldn't be able to buy the proper clothes for the twins!!  Let's just say Aunt Kater likes to shop!  It has brought up an interesting debate between Sarah and I about what we eventually decide.



There are pros and cons with both finding out or waiting until the birth.  I think from my side of the issue the pros were the ability to control at least something in this craziness of our new adventure.  In finding out the gender of the twins, we would be get a number of things in line for their arrival.  We would be able to prepare their nursery to each twin and have it ready for their arrival.  We would be able to speak with friends who may have clothes to match the genders of the twins to potentially save money.  We would have time to decipher the names of the twins especially if we ended up with two boys or two girls.  All of this could be done ahead of time, without everything else around us going at 100 mph.



Sarah has expressed the desire to keep things more private.  Where I tend to be more open with these things, she has a desire to keep them private between us.  Neither way is right or wrong, it is simply our own personalities we bring to the relationship.  The biggest con would be to lose the special surprise of the moment we find out what they are in the delivery room.  My worry here was to wonder if we would have that moment for just the two of us.  If we found out now, I know we would have that moment alone with the doctor and a chance to share the news as we liked.  If either of our mothers are in the delivery room, do we lose that special moment for just the two of us? 



Sarah and I continue to banter back and forth about this in a loving way, just thankful we have this opportunity.  However, it would be interesting to hear some of your thoughts.  Did you find out about the gender of the baby or not and why.  I would also be especially interested in those of you who had twins.  Otherwise we might end up with the compromise of finding out now only what one of the two of the babies are and that could get a little interesting!

Should I be Worried?

This past weekend was one of the most joyful days of my life as we were able to spread the word of our wonderful news.  Double Trouble.  It was a simply perfect weekend telling our friends how we were expecting twins in May and being able to share this wonderful moment with them.  It was one of the most special days of our lives. The next morning Sarah and I sat quietly together as we relived the night before and all of the wonderful moments and experiences from the evening.  It was during this time that I experienced a flashback to an similar moment from just a few months ago. 
 
It was only a short time ago that we sat there together in the living room at our old house trying to decide if we should put an offer out on a new house in Speedway.  We were both nervous on if this was the right decision considering we were not pregnant and our last IUI had failed. Ton of Bricks.  In the end, we made the leap of faith in what started a miraculous chain of events in our lives that has put us where we are today.  So in this moment, we found ourselves wondering if we should post our news about the twins out for the public to see.  The worry was.....what if something goes wrong?  We had been down that tough path before and gone through the pain of a miscarriage.  This experience unfortunately always haunts you through the pregnancy with every twist and turn after having such difficulty conceiving. What didn't help was the fact that Sarah had been to the doctor a couple of times in the last week with some issues.  Fortunately the last visit to the doctor found the twins dancing around on the ultrasound almost mocking us with "haha we got you!!!"  So there we sat wondering if we should make the news public with this fear still there in the back of our heads.  You see this is one of the lingering effects of infertility.  You do you best to stay as positive as possible, however in those moments of uncertainty or when issues arise you find yourself in an awareness of the past hopeful it does not return.

In the end we jumped with blind faith that everything will be ok and will work out for Baby A and Baby as they are now called, or Amy and Bob according to Sarah's dad.  We continue to hope and pray for their continued well being and hope that all will be well come May.  The excitement of each day and the changes with Sarah and the babies continue to help provide us with joy.  We enjoyed reading each Sunday about how big the babies are now and at the same time continue to plan for their arrival!!  Yes there is still a small part about me that worries, but in the end both Sarah and I continue to have faith above all else.

Five Steps to Dealing with Infertility

Recently I sat down at my computer and asked Google for sites that discussed “Dealing with Infertility.”  If my first two selections were any indication of the advice out there, I worry for those looking for help!  I do not claim to be an expert in the field of infertility, nor do I feel that my views are the only way to deal with the issues associated with infertility.  However after reading through a few articles online written by so called “experts” on the subject, I feel that none of them are written from the heart or the depths of a soul dealing with infertility.  So I sat down and wrote what I feel have been the top five steps that have helped Sarah and I along our journey with infertility.

1.      Communicate

Early in our journey I thought my job as the husband was to be the rock for the two of us.  What I learned quickly was that I was leaving Sarah more isolated than ever as she often felt she was the only one struggling through things.  My “being the rock” and lack of expressing my concerns actually hurt more than it helped.  Since that time I have learned to share my struggles with Sarah as she does with me.  We have learned to lean on each other making the tough days a little easier having each other there for one another.

2.      Get out of the house

Often times in the weeks leading up to the IUI process or especially in the two weeks after, you find your mind consumed with worry.  Worry about the unknown and what may happen often leads to sitting around feeling sorry for yourself of not living the life you should.  You must battle to get out of the house and continue to actively work to take your mind off of the questions that linger.  Go out and have fun and enjoy one another. One of the best two weeks Sarah and I went through were the days after an IUI that we traveled to Chicago.  We spent four days with friends enjoying the Windy City. During that trip our thoughts never once went to the worry of if the IUI was going to work that month or not.  Instead our minds and hearts were filled with the wonderful times of Chicago in the summer and it gave us a chance to refresh and renew our lives.  Five Things Worth Your Money in Chicago

3.      Pray

We feel fortunate for the number of you out there that have expressed your prayers for us in this process.  We continue to pray and to ask God for strength in our journey that he will one day reveal his plan for us.  At a recent Mass, the priest spoke about facing our fears in our lives.  He spoke of Peter walking on water to Jesus from the boat and how it was only when he allowed himself to take his mind off of Jesus and instead to his worry about the winds that he began to sink.  When we keep our mind and our faith on Jesus, we are able to live life without fear of the unknown.  It is only when we allow our mind to wonder from our faith that we allow our fears to instead run our lives.  Keep fast in prayer.

4.      Know that you are not alone

I know that for many people and for Sarah and me, early in the journey we felt like we were alone in our struggles and that many people out there did not know what we were going through each day.  As we have begun to share our journey and our struggles, we have had a constant flood of messages and expressions of support from those of you out there who have been through a similar journey.  There is not a week that has gone by in the past month that I have not had someone send a message of their story or stop me and offer their experience and let us know they are there if we ever need to talk.  If you are reading this blog, you hopefully know that you are not alone in your struggles.  I for one can speak to the loving community of support that is out there for those dealing with infertility.  This loving community has help provide Sarah and I with a wonderful support network during these trying times.

5.      Show and express your love for one another

The last tip that I can give is to show your love and support for your spouse during your journey.  We do not know what God’s plan is for us yet and whether or not that includes children of our own.  What I do know is that I have an amazing and wonderful wife that is there by my side throughout all of this.  These times can be trying and put stress on your marriage.  It is important to remember to continue to express your love for your spouse as these are the days and times you both need it the most.

 

Infertility if different for each couple and can have its own unique challenges and difficulties.  It is important not to forget steps like these to help you along your journey.  I feel that the past month has given me a new direction in life from God.  As I have written this blog, I have heard how many of you have been through or are going through a similar journey.  You have said how knowing someone else is growing through this has helped you start a new conversation with your spouse or look at things a little differently.  So for now I am continuing to take God’s challenge for me to be an advocate of those dealing with infertility.  What does that mean?  For now, I do not know God’s full plan.  What I do know is that I feel him pushing me to continue to tell of our struggles and joys for others to see and I ask you to help me spread this message.  Please help me spread the message by sharing my blog with others that you know.  God has a plan for Sarah and I and we are going to do our best to show our faith in his word.

Staying Positive

After a few weeks of writing this blog, each time I find myself battling how to convey a positive outlook in my writing.  It is inevitable that writing about infertility and its difficulties  reveals the tough moments in life that you would have never imagined.  Many times the thoughts lead to doubts or grief and the daily battle to overcome these emotions.  The pain is real and the negativity is there as Sarah and I work each day through our faith and our love for each other to rise above the hurt and disparaging thoughts that can consume you if you let them.


So how do we battle this on a daily basis?  How do we remain positive despite all the potential negativity that surrounds us?  We work at it together!  You see my worry (and I tend to over analyze things to much, just ask my wife) is that we come across as spiteful or negative about the issues we are going through when that is the opposite of the truth.  While we obviously have our struggles and tough moments, Sarah and I live each day as positively as we can and feel very blessed for what we have versus what we do not have in our lives.  Take for one our dog Smokey who blesses each of our days and help fill the void in our family.  He is has a personality all his own and has made it clear by the picture below his distaste for a potential new baby brother or sister!

What this blog is about for me is facing my fears head on and not hiding from them in the shadows. I have recently been reading a wonderful book by the witty author Jon Acuff titled Start: Punch Fear in the Face, Escape Average & Do Work That Matters.  In the book the author discusses the voices that you hear in the back of your head on the daily basis.  These voices are different than what many would describe as your "conscious."  Your conscious is the little devil or angel sitting on your shoulder telling you right from wrong.  The voices that Jon describes so eloquently are the ones that bring fear and doubt into your mind.  We all have them and hear them on a daily basis...."Am I good enough?", "Does my body look fit enough?", "Why would anyone read my blog?"  These voices put fear into our hearts and minds that prevent us from in the author's words living and "Awesome" life.  They prevent us from living life to the fullest or reaching our potential, not because we are not good enough but because the voice inside our head questions us from even trying or starting something great.  It was those voices that made me question why I would even start writing or blog or putting it out for others to read.  It was while I was reading this book that I decided to fight back at my voices and live my life without fear and publish my blog.  Three weeks into blogging, I have had over 5,000 visits to my site and an average viewing of each blog of over 600 people.  Wow!  I never would have dreamed that would be the case and absolutely would have never known had I listened to the voices of doubt in my head.


Thus that is the reason for this blog.  The blog is not for you, my family, or most days even my wife though it does benefit our relationship together.  This blog is for me to attack my fears and worries in life and to live an AWESOME life!  Jon Acuff in his book tells readers to write down the voices they hear each day of fear and doubt.  It is the first step in working to address you fears and that is what this blog has done for me.  It has allowed me to write down my fears and put them out there for others to see.  This blog holds me accountable for living through my fears and not behind them.  It has opened up many messages back and forth with old friends, helped build a support network for Sarah and I, and most importantly helped to strengthen the relationship between the two of us.  No one says you have to write your fears out in a blog for all to see, but today start writing down those voices of doubt in your head.  Do this everyday for a week and see what voices are holding you back.  It is the first step in attacking your fears and starting on a path to a more fulfilling and awesome life!


Everyday I wake up excited about what is in store and thankful for the many wonderful blessings that I have in my life.  Whatever God has planned for Sarah and I, I cannot wait to see and make it as AWESOME as I can!!

Prayers and Privacy

 

A couple of weeks ago, I gathered up the courage to write a blog about the fertility issues Sarah and I have had over the last year and a half.  The post about Sarah and I going through the IUI process was on my mind and emotionally something I was working through at the time.  Little did I realize in the moment was that in two weeks we would know whether Sarah and I were pregnant.  What I REALLY didn’t think of was that by posting my blog, now EVERYONE would know in two weeks if Sarah was expecting.  Luckily my wife loves me very much!!!

Sarah and I have spent some time this past week reflecting on many things and one of them was whether or not to post what we find out on Wednesday.  At this time we are asking for your prayers and our privacy as we will not post about the results this week.  Either way, there will be a flood of emotion in our home that day and those emotions are something we need to share privately for a while.

We appreciate all of the support that everyone has shown over the past couple of weeks.  I will continue to write about our journey and some of the things we have faced the last 18 months, and then hopefully in a few weeks we will be sharing some of the best news of all.

Thank you to everyone!