Recently I sat down at my computer and asked Google for
sites that discussed “Dealing with Infertility.” If my first two selections were any
indication of the advice out there, I worry for those looking for help! I do not claim to be an expert in the field
of infertility, nor do I feel that my views are the only way to deal with the
issues associated with infertility.
However after reading through a few articles online written by so called
“experts” on the subject, I feel that none of them are written from the heart
or the depths of a soul dealing with infertility. So I sat down and wrote what I feel have been
the top five steps that have helped Sarah and I along our journey with
infertility.
1.
Communicate
Early in our journey I thought my job as
the husband was to be the rock for the two of us. What I learned quickly was that I was leaving
Sarah more isolated than ever as she often felt she was the only one struggling
through things. My “being the rock” and
lack of expressing my concerns actually hurt more than it helped. Since that time I have learned to share my
struggles with Sarah as she does with me.
We have learned to lean on each other making the tough days a little
easier having each other there for one another.
2.
Get
out of the house
Often times in the weeks leading up to the
IUI process or especially in the two weeks after, you find your mind consumed
with worry. Worry about the unknown and
what may happen often leads to sitting around feeling sorry for yourself of not
living the life you should. You must
battle to get out of the house and continue to actively work to take your mind
off of the questions that linger. Go out
and have fun and enjoy one another. One of the best two weeks Sarah and I went
through were the days after an IUI that we traveled to Chicago. We spent four days with friends enjoying the
Windy City. During that trip our thoughts never once went to the worry of if the
IUI was going to work that month or not.
Instead our minds and hearts were filled with the wonderful times of
Chicago in the summer and it gave us a chance to refresh and renew our lives. Five Things Worth Your Money in Chicago
3.
Pray
We feel fortunate for the number of you out
there that have expressed your prayers for us in this process. We continue to pray and to ask God for
strength in our journey that he will one day reveal his plan for us. At a recent Mass, the priest spoke about
facing our fears in our lives. He spoke
of Peter walking on water to Jesus from the boat and how it was only when he
allowed himself to take his mind off of Jesus and instead to his worry about
the winds that he began to sink. When we
keep our mind and our faith on Jesus, we are able to live life without fear of
the unknown. It is only when we allow
our mind to wonder from our faith that we allow our fears to instead run our
lives. Keep fast in prayer.
4.
Know
that you are not alone
I know that for many people and for Sarah
and me, early in the journey we felt like we were alone in our struggles and
that many people out there did not know what we were going through each
day. As we have begun to share our
journey and our struggles, we have had a constant flood of messages and
expressions of support from those of you out there who have been through a
similar journey. There is not a week
that has gone by in the past month that I have not had someone send a message
of their story or stop me and offer their experience and let us know they are
there if we ever need to talk. If you
are reading this blog, you hopefully know that you are not alone in your
struggles. I for one can speak to the
loving community of support that is out there for those dealing with
infertility. This loving community has
help provide Sarah and I with a wonderful support network during these trying
times.
5.
Show
and express your love for one another
The last tip that I can give is to show your
love and support for your spouse during your journey. We do not know what God’s plan is for us yet
and whether or not that includes children of our own. What I do know is that I have an amazing and
wonderful wife that is there by my side throughout all of this. These times can be trying and put stress on
your marriage. It is important to
remember to continue to express your love for your spouse as these are the days
and times you both need it the most.
Infertility if different for each couple and can have its
own unique challenges and difficulties.
It is important not to forget steps like these to help you along your
journey. I feel that the past month has
given me a new direction in life from God.
As I have written this blog, I have heard how many of you have been
through or are going through a similar journey.
You have said how knowing someone else is growing through this has
helped you start a new conversation with your spouse or look at things a little
differently. So for now I am continuing
to take God’s challenge for me to be an advocate of those dealing with
infertility. What does that mean? For now, I do not know God’s full plan. What I do know is that I feel him pushing me
to continue to tell of our struggles and joys for others to see and I ask you
to help me spread this message. Please
help me spread the message by sharing my blog with others that you know. God has a plan for Sarah and I and we are
going to do our best to show our faith in his word.
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