To Know or Not to Know....That is the Question!

Lately there has been a battle raging in the Gardner household between Sarah and I.  Ok maybe a little dramatic with that statement. We have gone back and forth the past couple of weeks trying to come to a decision or agreement. Each day one of swings back or forth on the issue hoping to find some common ground or a compromise.  What can't Sarah and I agree on is.....whether or not to find out the gender of the twins. 

When we first found out we were having twins, Sarah and I were both in a general agreement to find out the gender of the twins.  We felt with all of the craziness we would have going on in our lives trying to prepare for their arrival, it would be beneficial to know this ahead of time.  Recently however Sarah moved 180 degrees on me and has stated she does not want to find out the sex of the babies and instead wishes to wait until the birth.  While I was definitely shocked at this, I think the person most taken aback was Sarah's Aunt Kater.  When Sarah mentioned this to her, she was worried she wouldn't be able to buy the proper clothes for the twins!!  Let's just say Aunt Kater likes to shop!  It has brought up an interesting debate between Sarah and I about what we eventually decide.



There are pros and cons with both finding out or waiting until the birth.  I think from my side of the issue the pros were the ability to control at least something in this craziness of our new adventure.  In finding out the gender of the twins, we would be get a number of things in line for their arrival.  We would be able to prepare their nursery to each twin and have it ready for their arrival.  We would be able to speak with friends who may have clothes to match the genders of the twins to potentially save money.  We would have time to decipher the names of the twins especially if we ended up with two boys or two girls.  All of this could be done ahead of time, without everything else around us going at 100 mph.



Sarah has expressed the desire to keep things more private.  Where I tend to be more open with these things, she has a desire to keep them private between us.  Neither way is right or wrong, it is simply our own personalities we bring to the relationship.  The biggest con would be to lose the special surprise of the moment we find out what they are in the delivery room.  My worry here was to wonder if we would have that moment for just the two of us.  If we found out now, I know we would have that moment alone with the doctor and a chance to share the news as we liked.  If either of our mothers are in the delivery room, do we lose that special moment for just the two of us? 



Sarah and I continue to banter back and forth about this in a loving way, just thankful we have this opportunity.  However, it would be interesting to hear some of your thoughts.  Did you find out about the gender of the baby or not and why.  I would also be especially interested in those of you who had twins.  Otherwise we might end up with the compromise of finding out now only what one of the two of the babies are and that could get a little interesting!

Should I be Worried?

This past weekend was one of the most joyful days of my life as we were able to spread the word of our wonderful news.  Double Trouble.  It was a simply perfect weekend telling our friends how we were expecting twins in May and being able to share this wonderful moment with them.  It was one of the most special days of our lives. The next morning Sarah and I sat quietly together as we relived the night before and all of the wonderful moments and experiences from the evening.  It was during this time that I experienced a flashback to an similar moment from just a few months ago. 
 
It was only a short time ago that we sat there together in the living room at our old house trying to decide if we should put an offer out on a new house in Speedway.  We were both nervous on if this was the right decision considering we were not pregnant and our last IUI had failed. Ton of Bricks.  In the end, we made the leap of faith in what started a miraculous chain of events in our lives that has put us where we are today.  So in this moment, we found ourselves wondering if we should post our news about the twins out for the public to see.  The worry was.....what if something goes wrong?  We had been down that tough path before and gone through the pain of a miscarriage.  This experience unfortunately always haunts you through the pregnancy with every twist and turn after having such difficulty conceiving. What didn't help was the fact that Sarah had been to the doctor a couple of times in the last week with some issues.  Fortunately the last visit to the doctor found the twins dancing around on the ultrasound almost mocking us with "haha we got you!!!"  So there we sat wondering if we should make the news public with this fear still there in the back of our heads.  You see this is one of the lingering effects of infertility.  You do you best to stay as positive as possible, however in those moments of uncertainty or when issues arise you find yourself in an awareness of the past hopeful it does not return.

In the end we jumped with blind faith that everything will be ok and will work out for Baby A and Baby as they are now called, or Amy and Bob according to Sarah's dad.  We continue to hope and pray for their continued well being and hope that all will be well come May.  The excitement of each day and the changes with Sarah and the babies continue to help provide us with joy.  We enjoyed reading each Sunday about how big the babies are now and at the same time continue to plan for their arrival!!  Yes there is still a small part about me that worries, but in the end both Sarah and I continue to have faith above all else.

My Amazing Mother!

Yesterday we spent the day with my mother celebrating her 75^th birthday which happens to be this coming Thursday.  We spent a wonderful day watching my niece and nephew play soccer before heading out for dinner together later that evening.  It was that night at dinner that we began asking my mother about her life growing up and some of the experiences she has had over the past 75 years.  During the dinner it amazed me at the differences our potential children would see in their lives versus the experiences that my mother had growing up in a small town in southeastern Indiana. 

My mother grew up just outside of Milan, Indiana on a small farm that my grandfather ran to help support the family.  Life back in these days was just different in many ways.  The family farm was not the family farm that I see when I visit Sarah’s family farm.  My mother’s was a 60 acre farm in which everything raised was for subsistence.  The crops they grew, the chickens they raised, and the pigs they took care of were all done to support the family.  My mother grew up helping on the farm with chores such as milking the cows, not making sure the computer was turned off before going to bed.  The most amazing fact for me last night was the revelation that my mother’s first house on the farm was a log house!  It had two main rooms downstairs, with two bedrooms upstairs all supported by a wood burning stove in the winter. In fact the first time that mother had indoor plumbing was when she went off to Ball State Teachers College.  The farm did not get indoor plumbing until she was a junior in college. 

Before heading off to college, my mother attended tiny Milan High School where she graduated Valedictorian of her Senior Class.  However, the major event in high school for my mother was during her freshman year at Milan in which the mighty Milan Indians won the 1954 Indiana State Basketball Championship.  Yes, this is the same famed team that inspired the movie “Hoosiers” in 1986 that we have all come to know.  My mother was a freshman at Milan that year and attended all of the basketball games including the State Championship game at then Butler Fieldhouse.  When the movie “Hoosiers” came out, I was able to hear the real life stories from a firsthand account. 

After her time at Milan, my mother went off to Ball State Teachers College where she worked to earn her teaching degree in Home Economics.  It was rare at that time for students from Milan to head off to college and my mother was the first in her family to go to college.  When we asked my mom last night about this, she said it was the basketball coach at Milan at the time that offered to take three students up for a visit.  It was then and there that my mom decided to head up to Muncie later that fall.

I could go on and on about my mother (yes I know I am biased) as she went on to take on many challenges after college, but that is for a later post.  Today has me reflecting on the experiences my mother had as a child and what life might be like for our children.  Today electronics and conveniences rule the day in our lives as we find ways to do things more efficiently and electronic devices to keep our attention.  As I walked through the house today and saw the three different televisions we had and I chuckle as my mother told the story of their first TV.  Her mother won the TV in a contest as they could not afford one themselves.  It was a small black and white TV that they set on the piano as they had no TV stand for it and all of the neighbors would come sit in the living room to watch TV together.  She laughed as she described the stiff necks people would get from sitting on the floor looking up at the TV!

 I want my children to know about these experiences that my mother went through and to help them appreciate the strong woman she is and has been in our lives.  My mother grew up in a different time where work around the house was required of everyone and playing games on iPhone was not around.  If nothing else, last night made me appreciate my mother even more listening to the way she grew up and the experiences she had in her life.  I feel so thankful to have her a part of our lives and can’t wait for her to be able to tell our children about working on the farm and growing up walking outside to use the restroom!