As The World Turns-Just so Happens It is Really Fast

1000 Miles Per Hour-That is how fast the world actually spins on its axis.  It was also the title of my mother's favorite soap opera show when I was a child.  Finally, it is also about how fast I feel these past few months have gone since my last post.  I hate that it has been that long as I really enjoy writing this blog for as much as I hope it helps others out there, it has been very beneficial for both myself and my family.

What Have We Been Up To Lately?
Well since my last post we welcomed two beautiful girls into our lives on April 24th.  Liliana Margaret and Madelyn Rose were brought into this world by their beautiful mother about 15 minutes apart.  They have been a complete blessing to our lives and we constantly amazed at how lucky we are to have these little blessings.  Thus these girls are also the reason I have not been able to write as much as I would have love to recently.  I would love to attempt to write about their daily lives and progress, but you would be much better reading Sarah's blog about our girls to find out about that.  You can find her blog at http://sarahhession6.blogspot.com/ for all the latest updates on our girls.  Let's just say from my standpoint we have been really busy!! My hope is to have new blogs in the near future reflecting on the first few months of our lives with the girls from a dad's point of view and their are too many experiences to sum up in this one blog.

New Career Opportunity
Shortly between bringing Maddie (Madelyn) home from the NICU and traveling back and forth to see Lily (Liliana), I received a call from my superintendent asking to meet with me one day while I was home with the girls.  I was caught a little off guard by the request and I think Sarah's comment was, "You aren't going to get fired are you?"  Well no I didn't get fired, in fact I was offered a new exciting opportunity to become the next Director of Finance of the school corporation.  This was a position I had always dreamed of moving into one day, I just never thought it would happen this soon.  After some discussion between Sarah and I over the new expectations and job requirements, I accepted the position and moved into the role on July 1st.  It has been a crazy transition, but one that I have enjoyed and look forward to continuing.

What's Next?
My hope is to pick back up with my writing and sharing of being a dad of multiples and the challenges that it brings.  We knew we would go through some stressful times, but to be honest in many ways what we thought would be our biggest challenges have not been as much and others have been much more challenging than we ever could have thought.  However, it is through these ups and downs that I hope to share what we have learned and continue to learn as we walk through this path of life.

To Know or Not to Know....That is the Question!

Lately there has been a battle raging in the Gardner household between Sarah and I.  Ok maybe a little dramatic with that statement. We have gone back and forth the past couple of weeks trying to come to a decision or agreement. Each day one of swings back or forth on the issue hoping to find some common ground or a compromise.  What can't Sarah and I agree on is.....whether or not to find out the gender of the twins. 

When we first found out we were having twins, Sarah and I were both in a general agreement to find out the gender of the twins.  We felt with all of the craziness we would have going on in our lives trying to prepare for their arrival, it would be beneficial to know this ahead of time.  Recently however Sarah moved 180 degrees on me and has stated she does not want to find out the sex of the babies and instead wishes to wait until the birth.  While I was definitely shocked at this, I think the person most taken aback was Sarah's Aunt Kater.  When Sarah mentioned this to her, she was worried she wouldn't be able to buy the proper clothes for the twins!!  Let's just say Aunt Kater likes to shop!  It has brought up an interesting debate between Sarah and I about what we eventually decide.



There are pros and cons with both finding out or waiting until the birth.  I think from my side of the issue the pros were the ability to control at least something in this craziness of our new adventure.  In finding out the gender of the twins, we would be get a number of things in line for their arrival.  We would be able to prepare their nursery to each twin and have it ready for their arrival.  We would be able to speak with friends who may have clothes to match the genders of the twins to potentially save money.  We would have time to decipher the names of the twins especially if we ended up with two boys or two girls.  All of this could be done ahead of time, without everything else around us going at 100 mph.



Sarah has expressed the desire to keep things more private.  Where I tend to be more open with these things, she has a desire to keep them private between us.  Neither way is right or wrong, it is simply our own personalities we bring to the relationship.  The biggest con would be to lose the special surprise of the moment we find out what they are in the delivery room.  My worry here was to wonder if we would have that moment for just the two of us.  If we found out now, I know we would have that moment alone with the doctor and a chance to share the news as we liked.  If either of our mothers are in the delivery room, do we lose that special moment for just the two of us? 



Sarah and I continue to banter back and forth about this in a loving way, just thankful we have this opportunity.  However, it would be interesting to hear some of your thoughts.  Did you find out about the gender of the baby or not and why.  I would also be especially interested in those of you who had twins.  Otherwise we might end up with the compromise of finding out now only what one of the two of the babies are and that could get a little interesting!

Has It Hit You Yet? Part 1

I often get this question a lot from people wondering if it has set in that Sarah and I are having twins.  Each time I hear that question, I find myself asking it over and over again to myself.  The reality of things is no not really.  I mean I keep looking for the moment like Ross had with Marcel in "Friends" where Marcel grabs Ross's finger and he realizes he will be a good dad.

Well, I just haven't had that moment.  Despite all of the wonderful moments that have occurred so far, I still find myself waiting for that moment when it really sinks in that we are having twins.  I am sure at some point it will come to me and will hit me like a ton of bricks.  Honestly, I can't wait for that moment to happen.  There is so much excitement building inside of me about the arrival of our twins in May, that I long for this moment to occur.  There is no fear about twins or worry about being a good parent, it is simply wanting that aha moment.  Part of the reason is that is still very early in Sarah's pregnancy and she is just beginning to have baby bump show.  Other than that, our lives have continued like normal for the most part.  I know all of this will change soon and the realization of twin will hit me.  Until then, I continue to enjoy all the moments we share and the wonderful support we are shown each day.  Sarah recently told me in response to me sharing I haven't had that moment of realization with, "Just wait til Spring Break when we are mini van shopping and putting two car seats in the back!  Then it will hit you!"  I laughed and realized at some point it will hit me and I can't wait for that moment.  Part two to be continued....

Should I be Worried?

This past weekend was one of the most joyful days of my life as we were able to spread the word of our wonderful news.  Double Trouble.  It was a simply perfect weekend telling our friends how we were expecting twins in May and being able to share this wonderful moment with them.  It was one of the most special days of our lives. The next morning Sarah and I sat quietly together as we relived the night before and all of the wonderful moments and experiences from the evening.  It was during this time that I experienced a flashback to an similar moment from just a few months ago. 
 
It was only a short time ago that we sat there together in the living room at our old house trying to decide if we should put an offer out on a new house in Speedway.  We were both nervous on if this was the right decision considering we were not pregnant and our last IUI had failed. Ton of Bricks.  In the end, we made the leap of faith in what started a miraculous chain of events in our lives that has put us where we are today.  So in this moment, we found ourselves wondering if we should post our news about the twins out for the public to see.  The worry was.....what if something goes wrong?  We had been down that tough path before and gone through the pain of a miscarriage.  This experience unfortunately always haunts you through the pregnancy with every twist and turn after having such difficulty conceiving. What didn't help was the fact that Sarah had been to the doctor a couple of times in the last week with some issues.  Fortunately the last visit to the doctor found the twins dancing around on the ultrasound almost mocking us with "haha we got you!!!"  So there we sat wondering if we should make the news public with this fear still there in the back of our heads.  You see this is one of the lingering effects of infertility.  You do you best to stay as positive as possible, however in those moments of uncertainty or when issues arise you find yourself in an awareness of the past hopeful it does not return.

In the end we jumped with blind faith that everything will be ok and will work out for Baby A and Baby as they are now called, or Amy and Bob according to Sarah's dad.  We continue to hope and pray for their continued well being and hope that all will be well come May.  The excitement of each day and the changes with Sarah and the babies continue to help provide us with joy.  We enjoyed reading each Sunday about how big the babies are now and at the same time continue to plan for their arrival!!  Yes there is still a small part about me that worries, but in the end both Sarah and I continue to have faith above all else.

Double Trouble!

Well, it is official.......we recently received the amazing news that Sarah is pregnant and due in May!!  The even more amazing and somewhat scary part of the news is that we are expecting TWINS!!! 

Needless to say, Sarah and I are both very excited and feel very blessed!  When you look back at where we started with This is How You Have a Baby?, we feel very lucky to finally have this wonderful news.  There have been many ups and downs on this roller coaster and these babies have already put us through a few of them in the first couple of months.  Recently Sarah said that is because they are acting like their father and will continue to be a pain in the you know what!

We have been blessed by the many kind words of support from so many of you and we appreciate all the love you have shown.  We are by no means out of the woods yet and every little hiccup has us worried about what might happen.  Sarah and I continue to strive to stay positive and trust that things will work out.  All of the struggles truly show us what a miracle having a child is for so many people.

However, at the same time I write this exciting news with a touch of hesitation.  You see we still have friends and loved ones who have not received this blessing and continue to battle infertility.  Sarah and I have known that feeling to see friends posting about their wonderful news and the feelings it created for her and I.  We truly know that feeling of a Ton of Bricks coming down upon you.  For those of you reading this who have struggled with infertility like us or even those who have fought the battle much longer, we have you in our thoughts and prayers.

In the meantime, we are reading up on all the books about twins that we can and trying to wrap our heads around two babies at once!  We will definitely be in for some double trouble come this May!

We were on a break!!!

For many of you like me, this classic line probably evokes memories or visions of Ross Gellar screaming “We Were on a Break!!!!”  The classic scene where Rachel and Ross split up due to Ross hooking up with the copy girl while he thought he and Rachel were on a break.  For Sarah and I, fortunately there is no copy girl and our break is one that is MUCH DIFFERENT from Ross and Rachel.  Many of you read last month in my blog about our attempt with and IUI, “This is how you have baby?” that described our attempt with the IUI process in an effort to have a baby.  After much thought and discussion, this month we decided to take a break in those efforts after the IUI did not work out again for us and we began to feel the effects of this long process and the toll they were taking on our lives.  The pain truly hit like a “Ton of Bricks” for the two of us and we needed some time to reflect on what we had been through and how we would move forward.

Shortly after the failed IUI attempt last month, Sarah and I decided to take a break from the process and to try and get away from it for a while.  We were completely drained emotionally and also somewhat physically from the past year of trying.  The doctor visits, the detailed monthly schedules, and failed results had eroded away at our strength to continue.  We had spent the past six months visiting doctors and discussing our issues, which was followed up with the past three months of a scheduled life of events.  The month would begin with Sarah on medication to help her ovulate, a trip to the doctor to check her follicles, and then followed by the IUI process.  The week surrounding the IUI process you are told when you should and when you should not be trying to make a baby to help promote the process.  While I am sure there will be many jokes about me complaining about this, try having a baby making schedule set by your doctor for six months and you will see the frustrations begin to build. 

We felt stuck in a rut and bound by limitations that were not making us feel at our best.  So we decided to step back this month, relax, and try to enjoy life and each other.  We wanted to be free of the schedule and the limitations we felt the fertility process was placing on our lives.  It has been a wonderful feeling for both of us.  We have gotten back to focusing on our diets and exercise.  We have spent more time relaxed together not worried about when our next appointment is or where we are in the process.  We have talked very little about our next move or the whole process until the past few days.  It has given us a bit of a vacation from what became a job for us over the past few months.  We still do not know our next step in our journey, only that we have set a doctor’s appointment in a couple of weeks to explore our options.  We know if the next IUI does not work our chances for an IUI ever working decrease dramatically.  For now though, that is not our worry.  We are sitting back relaxing and enjoying the days and times together and soaking as much in as we can.

This break has helped me realize the importance of vacations or breaks in our lives.  Everyone needs that time to step back and relax.  The time to reflect on the simple things in life that we enjoy and to refresh our bodies and minds.  Sarah and I have a vacation planned for this October when we are heading down to Fort Myers Beach.  You can bet that I will be stepping back and relaxing a bit more.


We will see where life takes us after this break and our visit with the doctor here in a couple weeks.  We have discussed doing one more IUI in September and if that does not work taking a longer break at that point.  If the IUI does not work, the next potential step could be IVF for Sarah and I.  There are many questions we have about that process both financially and internally if that is the next move for us.  The idea is the longer break would give us some time to save up for that option if we move down that path.  Our journey still continues and our path is still unknown so for now we are resting up and gathering our strength to move forward towards God's plan for our future.

Prayers and Privacy

 

A couple of weeks ago, I gathered up the courage to write a blog about the fertility issues Sarah and I have had over the last year and a half.  The post about Sarah and I going through the IUI process was on my mind and emotionally something I was working through at the time.  Little did I realize in the moment was that in two weeks we would know whether Sarah and I were pregnant.  What I REALLY didn’t think of was that by posting my blog, now EVERYONE would know in two weeks if Sarah was expecting.  Luckily my wife loves me very much!!!

Sarah and I have spent some time this past week reflecting on many things and one of them was whether or not to post what we find out on Wednesday.  At this time we are asking for your prayers and our privacy as we will not post about the results this week.  Either way, there will be a flood of emotion in our home that day and those emotions are something we need to share privately for a while.

We appreciate all of the support that everyone has shown over the past couple of weeks.  I will continue to write about our journey and some of the things we have faced the last 18 months, and then hopefully in a few weeks we will be sharing some of the best news of all.

Thank you to everyone!