Lately there has been a battle raging in the Gardner household between Sarah and I. Ok maybe a little dramatic with that statement. We have gone back and forth the past couple of weeks trying to come to a decision or agreement. Each day one of swings back or forth on the issue hoping to find some common ground or a compromise. What can't Sarah and I agree on is.....whether or not to find out the gender of the twins.
When we first found out we were having twins, Sarah and I were both in a general agreement to find out the gender of the twins. We felt with all of the craziness we would have going on in our lives trying to prepare for their arrival, it would be beneficial to know this ahead of time. Recently however Sarah moved 180 degrees on me and has stated she does not want to find out the sex of the babies and instead wishes to wait until the birth. While I was definitely shocked at this, I think the person most taken aback was Sarah's Aunt Kater. When Sarah mentioned this to her, she was worried she wouldn't be able to buy the proper clothes for the twins!! Let's just say Aunt Kater likes to shop! It has brought up an interesting debate between Sarah and I about what we eventually decide.
There are pros and cons with both finding out or waiting until the birth. I think from my side of the issue the pros were the ability to control at least something in this craziness of our new adventure. In finding out the gender of the twins, we would be get a number of things in line for their arrival. We would be able to prepare their nursery to each twin and have it ready for their arrival. We would be able to speak with friends who may have clothes to match the genders of the twins to potentially save money. We would have time to decipher the names of the twins especially if we ended up with two boys or two girls. All of this could be done ahead of time, without everything else around us going at 100 mph.
Sarah has expressed the desire to keep things more private. Where I tend to be more open with these things, she has a desire to keep them private between us. Neither way is right or wrong, it is simply our own personalities we bring to the relationship. The biggest con would be to lose the special surprise of the moment we find out what they are in the delivery room. My worry here was to wonder if we would have that moment for just the two of us. If we found out now, I know we would have that moment alone with the doctor and a chance to share the news as we liked. If either of our mothers are in the delivery room, do we lose that special moment for just the two of us?
Sarah and I continue to banter back and forth about this in a loving way, just thankful we have this opportunity. However, it would be interesting to hear some of your thoughts. Did you find out about the gender of the baby or not and why. I would also be especially interested in those of you who had twins. Otherwise we might end up with the compromise of finding out now only what one of the two of the babies are and that could get a little interesting!
Showing posts with label choices. Show all posts
Showing posts with label choices. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
Sunday, November 16, 2014
Has It Hit You Yet? Part 1
I often get this question a lot from people wondering if it has set in that Sarah and I are having twins. Each time I hear that question, I find myself asking it over and over again to myself. The reality of things is no not really. I mean I keep looking for the moment like Ross had with Marcel in "Friends" where Marcel grabs Ross's finger and he realizes he will be a good dad.
Well, I just haven't had that moment. Despite all of the wonderful moments that have occurred so far, I still find myself waiting for that moment when it really sinks in that we are having twins. I am sure at some point it will come to me and will hit me like a ton of bricks. Honestly, I can't wait for that moment to happen. There is so much excitement building inside of me about the arrival of our twins in May, that I long for this moment to occur. There is no fear about twins or worry about being a good parent, it is simply wanting that aha moment. Part of the reason is that is still very early in Sarah's pregnancy and she is just beginning to have baby bump show. Other than that, our lives have continued like normal for the most part. I know all of this will change soon and the realization of twin will hit me. Until then, I continue to enjoy all the moments we share and the wonderful support we are shown each day. Sarah recently told me in response to me sharing I haven't had that moment of realization with, "Just wait til Spring Break when we are mini van shopping and putting two car seats in the back! Then it will hit you!" I laughed and realized at some point it will hit me and I can't wait for that moment. Part two to be continued....
Saturday, August 2, 2014
Staying Positive
After a few weeks of writing this blog, each time I find myself battling how to convey a positive outlook in my writing. It is inevitable that writing about infertility and its difficulties reveals the tough moments in life that you would have never imagined. Many times the thoughts lead to doubts or grief and the daily battle to overcome these emotions. The pain is real and the negativity is there as Sarah and I work each day through our faith and our love for each other to rise above the hurt and disparaging thoughts that can consume you if you let them.
So how do we battle this on a daily basis? How do we remain positive despite all the potential negativity that surrounds us? We work at it together! You see my worry (and I tend to over analyze things to much, just ask my wife) is that we come across as spiteful or negative about the issues we are going through when that is the opposite of the truth. While we obviously have our struggles and tough moments, Sarah and I live each day as positively as we can and feel very blessed for what we have versus what we do not have in our lives. Take for one our dog Smokey who blesses each of our days and help fill the void in our family. He is has a personality all his own and has made it clear by the picture below his distaste for a potential new baby brother or sister!
What this blog is about for me is facing my fears head on and not hiding from them in the shadows. I have recently been reading a wonderful book by the witty author Jon Acuff titled Start: Punch Fear in the Face, Escape Average & Do Work That Matters. In the book the author discusses the voices that you hear in the back of your head on the daily basis. These voices are different than what many would describe as your "conscious." Your conscious is the little devil or angel sitting on your shoulder telling you right from wrong. The voices that Jon describes so eloquently are the ones that bring fear and doubt into your mind. We all have them and hear them on a daily basis...."Am I good enough?", "Does my body look fit enough?", "Why would anyone read my blog?" These voices put fear into our hearts and minds that prevent us from in the author's words living and "Awesome" life. They prevent us from living life to the fullest or reaching our potential, not because we are not good enough but because the voice inside our head questions us from even trying or starting something great. It was those voices that made me question why I would even start writing or blog or putting it out for others to read. It was while I was reading this book that I decided to fight back at my voices and live my life without fear and publish my blog. Three weeks into blogging, I have had over 5,000 visits to my site and an average viewing of each blog of over 600 people. Wow! I never would have dreamed that would be the case and absolutely would have never known had I listened to the voices of doubt in my head.
Thus that is the reason for this blog. The blog is not for you, my family, or most days even my wife though it does benefit our relationship together. This blog is for me to attack my fears and worries in life and to live an AWESOME life! Jon Acuff in his book tells readers to write down the voices they hear each day of fear and doubt. It is the first step in working to address you fears and that is what this blog has done for me. It has allowed me to write down my fears and put them out there for others to see. This blog holds me accountable for living through my fears and not behind them. It has opened up many messages back and forth with old friends, helped build a support network for Sarah and I, and most importantly helped to strengthen the relationship between the two of us. No one says you have to write your fears out in a blog for all to see, but today start writing down those voices of doubt in your head. Do this everyday for a week and see what voices are holding you back. It is the first step in attacking your fears and starting on a path to a more fulfilling and awesome life!
Everyday I wake up excited about what is in store and thankful for the many wonderful blessings that I have in my life. Whatever God has planned for Sarah and I, I cannot wait to see and make it as AWESOME as I can!!
So how do we battle this on a daily basis? How do we remain positive despite all the potential negativity that surrounds us? We work at it together! You see my worry (and I tend to over analyze things to much, just ask my wife) is that we come across as spiteful or negative about the issues we are going through when that is the opposite of the truth. While we obviously have our struggles and tough moments, Sarah and I live each day as positively as we can and feel very blessed for what we have versus what we do not have in our lives. Take for one our dog Smokey who blesses each of our days and help fill the void in our family. He is has a personality all his own and has made it clear by the picture below his distaste for a potential new baby brother or sister!
What this blog is about for me is facing my fears head on and not hiding from them in the shadows. I have recently been reading a wonderful book by the witty author Jon Acuff titled Start: Punch Fear in the Face, Escape Average & Do Work That Matters. In the book the author discusses the voices that you hear in the back of your head on the daily basis. These voices are different than what many would describe as your "conscious." Your conscious is the little devil or angel sitting on your shoulder telling you right from wrong. The voices that Jon describes so eloquently are the ones that bring fear and doubt into your mind. We all have them and hear them on a daily basis...."Am I good enough?", "Does my body look fit enough?", "Why would anyone read my blog?" These voices put fear into our hearts and minds that prevent us from in the author's words living and "Awesome" life. They prevent us from living life to the fullest or reaching our potential, not because we are not good enough but because the voice inside our head questions us from even trying or starting something great. It was those voices that made me question why I would even start writing or blog or putting it out for others to read. It was while I was reading this book that I decided to fight back at my voices and live my life without fear and publish my blog. Three weeks into blogging, I have had over 5,000 visits to my site and an average viewing of each blog of over 600 people. Wow! I never would have dreamed that would be the case and absolutely would have never known had I listened to the voices of doubt in my head.
Thus that is the reason for this blog. The blog is not for you, my family, or most days even my wife though it does benefit our relationship together. This blog is for me to attack my fears and worries in life and to live an AWESOME life! Jon Acuff in his book tells readers to write down the voices they hear each day of fear and doubt. It is the first step in working to address you fears and that is what this blog has done for me. It has allowed me to write down my fears and put them out there for others to see. This blog holds me accountable for living through my fears and not behind them. It has opened up many messages back and forth with old friends, helped build a support network for Sarah and I, and most importantly helped to strengthen the relationship between the two of us. No one says you have to write your fears out in a blog for all to see, but today start writing down those voices of doubt in your head. Do this everyday for a week and see what voices are holding you back. It is the first step in attacking your fears and starting on a path to a more fulfilling and awesome life!
Everyday I wake up excited about what is in store and thankful for the many wonderful blessings that I have in my life. Whatever God has planned for Sarah and I, I cannot wait to see and make it as AWESOME as I can!!
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