To Know or Not to Know....That is the Question!

Lately there has been a battle raging in the Gardner household between Sarah and I.  Ok maybe a little dramatic with that statement. We have gone back and forth the past couple of weeks trying to come to a decision or agreement. Each day one of swings back or forth on the issue hoping to find some common ground or a compromise.  What can't Sarah and I agree on is.....whether or not to find out the gender of the twins. 

When we first found out we were having twins, Sarah and I were both in a general agreement to find out the gender of the twins.  We felt with all of the craziness we would have going on in our lives trying to prepare for their arrival, it would be beneficial to know this ahead of time.  Recently however Sarah moved 180 degrees on me and has stated she does not want to find out the sex of the babies and instead wishes to wait until the birth.  While I was definitely shocked at this, I think the person most taken aback was Sarah's Aunt Kater.  When Sarah mentioned this to her, she was worried she wouldn't be able to buy the proper clothes for the twins!!  Let's just say Aunt Kater likes to shop!  It has brought up an interesting debate between Sarah and I about what we eventually decide.



There are pros and cons with both finding out or waiting until the birth.  I think from my side of the issue the pros were the ability to control at least something in this craziness of our new adventure.  In finding out the gender of the twins, we would be get a number of things in line for their arrival.  We would be able to prepare their nursery to each twin and have it ready for their arrival.  We would be able to speak with friends who may have clothes to match the genders of the twins to potentially save money.  We would have time to decipher the names of the twins especially if we ended up with two boys or two girls.  All of this could be done ahead of time, without everything else around us going at 100 mph.



Sarah has expressed the desire to keep things more private.  Where I tend to be more open with these things, she has a desire to keep them private between us.  Neither way is right or wrong, it is simply our own personalities we bring to the relationship.  The biggest con would be to lose the special surprise of the moment we find out what they are in the delivery room.  My worry here was to wonder if we would have that moment for just the two of us.  If we found out now, I know we would have that moment alone with the doctor and a chance to share the news as we liked.  If either of our mothers are in the delivery room, do we lose that special moment for just the two of us? 



Sarah and I continue to banter back and forth about this in a loving way, just thankful we have this opportunity.  However, it would be interesting to hear some of your thoughts.  Did you find out about the gender of the baby or not and why.  I would also be especially interested in those of you who had twins.  Otherwise we might end up with the compromise of finding out now only what one of the two of the babies are and that could get a little interesting!

Has It Hit You Yet? Part 1

I often get this question a lot from people wondering if it has set in that Sarah and I are having twins.  Each time I hear that question, I find myself asking it over and over again to myself.  The reality of things is no not really.  I mean I keep looking for the moment like Ross had with Marcel in "Friends" where Marcel grabs Ross's finger and he realizes he will be a good dad.

Well, I just haven't had that moment.  Despite all of the wonderful moments that have occurred so far, I still find myself waiting for that moment when it really sinks in that we are having twins.  I am sure at some point it will come to me and will hit me like a ton of bricks.  Honestly, I can't wait for that moment to happen.  There is so much excitement building inside of me about the arrival of our twins in May, that I long for this moment to occur.  There is no fear about twins or worry about being a good parent, it is simply wanting that aha moment.  Part of the reason is that is still very early in Sarah's pregnancy and she is just beginning to have baby bump show.  Other than that, our lives have continued like normal for the most part.  I know all of this will change soon and the realization of twin will hit me.  Until then, I continue to enjoy all the moments we share and the wonderful support we are shown each day.  Sarah recently told me in response to me sharing I haven't had that moment of realization with, "Just wait til Spring Break when we are mini van shopping and putting two car seats in the back!  Then it will hit you!"  I laughed and realized at some point it will hit me and I can't wait for that moment.  Part two to be continued....

Should I be Worried?

This past weekend was one of the most joyful days of my life as we were able to spread the word of our wonderful news.  Double Trouble.  It was a simply perfect weekend telling our friends how we were expecting twins in May and being able to share this wonderful moment with them.  It was one of the most special days of our lives. The next morning Sarah and I sat quietly together as we relived the night before and all of the wonderful moments and experiences from the evening.  It was during this time that I experienced a flashback to an similar moment from just a few months ago. 
 
It was only a short time ago that we sat there together in the living room at our old house trying to decide if we should put an offer out on a new house in Speedway.  We were both nervous on if this was the right decision considering we were not pregnant and our last IUI had failed. Ton of Bricks.  In the end, we made the leap of faith in what started a miraculous chain of events in our lives that has put us where we are today.  So in this moment, we found ourselves wondering if we should post our news about the twins out for the public to see.  The worry was.....what if something goes wrong?  We had been down that tough path before and gone through the pain of a miscarriage.  This experience unfortunately always haunts you through the pregnancy with every twist and turn after having such difficulty conceiving. What didn't help was the fact that Sarah had been to the doctor a couple of times in the last week with some issues.  Fortunately the last visit to the doctor found the twins dancing around on the ultrasound almost mocking us with "haha we got you!!!"  So there we sat wondering if we should make the news public with this fear still there in the back of our heads.  You see this is one of the lingering effects of infertility.  You do you best to stay as positive as possible, however in those moments of uncertainty or when issues arise you find yourself in an awareness of the past hopeful it does not return.

In the end we jumped with blind faith that everything will be ok and will work out for Baby A and Baby as they are now called, or Amy and Bob according to Sarah's dad.  We continue to hope and pray for their continued well being and hope that all will be well come May.  The excitement of each day and the changes with Sarah and the babies continue to help provide us with joy.  We enjoyed reading each Sunday about how big the babies are now and at the same time continue to plan for their arrival!!  Yes there is still a small part about me that worries, but in the end both Sarah and I continue to have faith above all else.

Double Trouble!

Well, it is official.......we recently received the amazing news that Sarah is pregnant and due in May!!  The even more amazing and somewhat scary part of the news is that we are expecting TWINS!!! 

Needless to say, Sarah and I are both very excited and feel very blessed!  When you look back at where we started with This is How You Have a Baby?, we feel very lucky to finally have this wonderful news.  There have been many ups and downs on this roller coaster and these babies have already put us through a few of them in the first couple of months.  Recently Sarah said that is because they are acting like their father and will continue to be a pain in the you know what!

We have been blessed by the many kind words of support from so many of you and we appreciate all the love you have shown.  We are by no means out of the woods yet and every little hiccup has us worried about what might happen.  Sarah and I continue to strive to stay positive and trust that things will work out.  All of the struggles truly show us what a miracle having a child is for so many people.

However, at the same time I write this exciting news with a touch of hesitation.  You see we still have friends and loved ones who have not received this blessing and continue to battle infertility.  Sarah and I have known that feeling to see friends posting about their wonderful news and the feelings it created for her and I.  We truly know that feeling of a Ton of Bricks coming down upon you.  For those of you reading this who have struggled with infertility like us or even those who have fought the battle much longer, we have you in our thoughts and prayers.

In the meantime, we are reading up on all the books about twins that we can and trying to wrap our heads around two babies at once!  We will definitely be in for some double trouble come this May!

Time Away

It has been quite a while since my last blog post, much longer than I intended it to be quite honestly.  However, life has a way of getting away from you.  August brought on the start of school here at BHS and the inclusion of my own classes I was taking at Ball State.  Finally on top of all of that, Sarah and I were in the process of trying to buy a house!! Why a Bigger House? Once again and not to the surprise of my wife, I had taken on too much in my life and something had to go to keep my sanity.  Unfortunately for me, it was taking the time to blog about how things were going for Sarah and I.  During this time, I missed sharing our story and living out the highs and lows of the struggles of fertility in our lives.  The good news is that we found our new home and moved in during the month of September!  We were excited to find a place in Speedway that we love and can stay close to where we were before.  I am excited to get back to blogging and sharing our experiences now that I hopefully have some more time ironed out in my schedule.  Thank you again to all who have shared words of encouragement and support of this blog and I look forward to the opportunity to contribute once again!