Why in the world are we buying a bigger home?

You may have seen lately that we are looking to sell our home here in Speedway.  We currently have an accepted offer on another home a few blocks away that allows us to stay in the Speedway community.  So why in the world would we be moving into a bigger home?  Why would we do this, especially when our family right now consists of Sarah and I and you have read of our struggles to become pregnant. 

Well, don’t think you are the only one who has asked that question.  It is a question that has been tossed back and forth in our house quite frequently since we began looking at the home we placed an offer on a week ago.  We have been looking at homes in the Speedway area for a little over a year now thinking that we needed to prepare to have a little larger home for what we hoped would be our growing family.  As we placed our offer on the current house, we were still in the waiting stages of last month’s IUI process.  Dancing in our heads were dreams of an accepted offer a new house to go with our exciting news of expecting.  We ended up one for two on the month with the house being our lone base hit.  Now depending on which day you talked with Sarah and I last week, that base hit ranged from a grand slam home run to a bloop single over a slow footed second basemen falling flat on his face.  In those days we would go from overly ecstatic about our new home to worried about our ability to fill all of the space.

The big question was why do we need such a big house if we don’t even have children yet and we are struggling so to get pregnant.  These emotions raged back and forth in our minds.  On the day that Sarah realized the IUI had not worked, we were battling back and forth on whether to continue with the process a half hour before our realtor was to arrive.  We obviously didn’t need the bigger house and we knew many other friends who were in tighter situations in their homes than we were currently.  Then the biggest question about the house came deep out of the fear that resided in both of us…”what if we are never able to get pregnant?”  We worried about being stuck in this larger home with no children and tons of space to remind us of that fact.  After many discussions back and forth, we decided to stay the course and place the offer on the house and put ours of for sale.  What in the end put us on this course?

1.      Large homes in Speedway are hard to find in good condition.  Especially ones who will allow you to place a contingency on selling your house in the offer.

2.      This home has many of the items on our wish list including things we don’t have currently like an attached garage and a large open kitchen and floor plan.

3.      We felt in the end if five years from now we wanted to sell the home, we would be able to do so fairly easily. 

4.      The home we are purchasing fits within Dave Ramsey’s rules of 20% down and no more than 25% of our take home pay on a 15 year mortgage.

5.      Finally, our undying faith that God’s plan is for us to have children and in buying this house we are simply preparing for those faithful days ahead.

I always knew that attempting to buy a new home would be a stressful process.  It is for many people and for many reasons.  However, I did not anticipate our fertility issues causing the worry that it has and the doubts that caused us to pause over our decision.  To say the process went as simply as it seems written would be a lie.  The worry and consternation that Sarah and I have had during these two weeks has been an up and down ride.  In the end we feel confident in our decision, faithful in God’s plan, and now hopeful that our house will sell to complete the process.  Now we wait for what is hopefully that fateful day when we are able to move into our new home and begin filling it with a family of our own!

Ton of Bricks

The message hit me like a ton of bricks.  As I read it over and over again, my stomach continued to tighten and my heart sink.  I knew our day to take the pregnancy test was on Wednesday, but this was Monday and the message from my wife read, “I just started spotting and think I’m going to lose it.”  I knew exactly was “it” was, it was the dream of the child that wasn’t meant to be in our lives.  This was something that we never held, touched, or even came close to being a part of our family and yet here was the flood of grief coming over me.  Then in that difficult moment, was what in the world do I say back to my wife?  I tried to be funny and positive, saying that the spotting was being caused by our son being a little SOB and burrowing in for the long haul.  She chuckled that I said it was a son, truth is I couldn’t call a potential daughter a SOB….that would have just been plain wrong!  After a few messages back and forth about what was happening, the words that truly hit me like freight train was the next message from my wife, “I want to hide in a dark room and cry.”  It was at that moment that the feeling of complete helplessness came over me as I sat there quietly.  It didn’t matter that my wife was at work, even if she was next to me I am not sure I would know what to say.  I didn’t know how to help her or make the pain go away.

That has probably been the most difficult part of the past couple of years, those moments when I feel completely helpless in solving the problems my wife is having.  You must understand, that is me, I am a problem solver.  It is what I do every day at work and pride myself in being able to accomplish, and yet here I was unable able to do anything that would help ease the pain for my wife.

Pain, Frustration, Hurt, Anger, Sadness, Helplessness, Disgrace

These are just some of the words to describe the feelings that came over me during those first few hours after that initial message.  I found myself unable to do much of anything at that point except sit there and wonder what had gone wrong and what was not working for Sarah and me.  Shortly thereafter, Sarah made it home from work and the eerie silence between us and the tension that was hanging over us like a dark cloud.  What do you say in these moments? How do you start to talk about the one thing you don’t even want to remember?  The thing that you want to block out of your mind like a bad dream! We slowly and gingerly worked our way into talking to each other, though neither one of us was mad at each other you just don’t know what to say.  After some tears and difficult words, we began the process of grieving together about our lost opportunity.  I wish I could put into words the thoughts and feelings that I was having at that time, but when it comes to matters of the heart this deep there are no words that can come close to describing what you are feeling.  There is no metaphor, no story, and no examples of the way you feel when you miss out on the loss of having a child.  People understand grieving with death, understand grieving with a miscarriage, but most do not understand the pain people go through in the shadows of infertility.  It is hidden in the shadows because it is tough to talk to people about something that never was.  They can’t connect with the process you went through just to get to that moment when you find out if you get the opportunity to be a parent or you don’t.  I wish I had a way to help make this easier for anyone going through it or even someone trying to understand it from the outside. Unfortunately I don’t.  I hope that through this blog and writing about our struggles it will help others out there understand the shadows of infertility.  The moments in private that most sane people can’t or won’t put other there for others.

So what now?  Where do we go from here?  Well, last night we started trying to move forward in our journey.  We sat on our couch and had a couple of drinks while watching our new favorite show on Netflix “House of Cards.”  Each day will get better and we will remain resilient in our quest to have a child of our own.  As far as our next step at the doctor, that remains to be seen.  We have contemplated taking a month off.  A month away from the rigid and forced schedule of trying to conceive and allow ourselves to regroup and refresh.  Regardless, we remain steadfast and strong in our lives and most importantly our relationship with one another.  In the end through all the ups and downs and difficulties of this journey, what Sarah and I always cling to as our rock in the storm is one another.  The love we have for each other is what saves us and what helps us grow closer together. 

At the end of the night on Monday when going to bed, I fell fast asleep and slept wonderfully.  Why? How? Simple, I was lying there next to my best friend and love of my life.  With her, I can make it through anything and I am pretty sure she feels the same about me.

 

Prayers and Privacy

 

A couple of weeks ago, I gathered up the courage to write a blog about the fertility issues Sarah and I have had over the last year and a half.  The post about Sarah and I going through the IUI process was on my mind and emotionally something I was working through at the time.  Little did I realize in the moment was that in two weeks we would know whether Sarah and I were pregnant.  What I REALLY didn’t think of was that by posting my blog, now EVERYONE would know in two weeks if Sarah was expecting.  Luckily my wife loves me very much!!!

Sarah and I have spent some time this past week reflecting on many things and one of them was whether or not to post what we find out on Wednesday.  At this time we are asking for your prayers and our privacy as we will not post about the results this week.  Either way, there will be a flood of emotion in our home that day and those emotions are something we need to share privately for a while.

We appreciate all of the support that everyone has shown over the past couple of weeks.  I will continue to write about our journey and some of the things we have faced the last 18 months, and then hopefully in a few weeks we will be sharing some of the best news of all.

Thank you to everyone!

Two Weeks Notice

On Monday of this week, I woke up feeling tired and bloated and I began to wonder if maybe this was the month.....and then Sarah reminded me that we had been in Chicago all weekend and all of the eating and running around was why I was feeling tired and bloated.  I relaxed a little bit and went about my week and getting back into routine of the school year starting for me.  Then Wednesday morning I woke up and my chest was really sore and I just knew it looked bigger from the day before.  I went to Sarah with my concerns starting to believe that now I had another sign that this could be it.......and then Sarah reminded me that yesterday I had done some bench presses and worked out a little too much and that is why my chest was sore and bigger.  I sighed and walked away dejected that my theory had some holes in it and tried to move on.  Finally on Friday afternoon I greeted Sarah at the door as she walked in from work with foolproof evidence that this was finally the month!  The last two days I had craved chocolate, Diet Coke, and that I was always hungry and snacking.  Sarah shook her head and did her best to let me down easy as she reminded me I had been at my Leadership Retreat with other administrators and the place we stayed had an open snack bar for everyone.  She convinced me not to take a pregnancy test and that all was fine and we should simply wait until the doctor told us to take a pregnancy test.  I realized she was probably right and agreed with her, but still made sure to sneak away and hide some pregnancy tests for later when she wouldn't know.

Some of you may or not get the paragraph above if you have never lived through it.  I know I didn't understand it when it first started happening and even today I am not sure I am fully aware of the Two Weeks of Notice. Every month you live through these Two Weeks of Notice where the potential to get pregnant ebbs and flows.  What I have found as I study for my Masters in Fertility I guess is that there is a very specific timeframe to conceive a baby and to find out if you have conceived.  Within these two weeks are days packed with raw emotion and constant overthinking of every feeling or intuition.  Over the last year and a half, there have been many weeks like above for Sarah and I (though the roles are reversed and not as dramatic as I make them seem.)  Each month has had its own different flavor for each of us and the way we interpret and try to rationalize our feelings and expectations.  It is hard to manage these expectations that you carry with you about getting pregnant, applying for a new job, or trying to buy a new house.  Then there are those fun months when all of those are wrapped together into one!  Here is what I have learned about expectations over this last year and a half:

1. They are very real and sometimes very raw
2. They can play tricks on your mind if you are not careful
3. They can eat away at you if you do not communicate about them

We have gone into months with high expectations only to come crashing down, we have gone into months with low expectations only to be proven right.  We have tried to approach each month in just about every which shape or form in a fight to keep our sanity along the way.  The toughest part for me during this time is that the parody above is something my wife lives with each month and actually FEELS with her body.  I can only bring my hopes and expectations, she is the one who not only has those but also can tell when her body is feeling different.  At first, I didn't do so well with being a supportive spouse even though I thought I was.  I took the manly route of being strong and being the shoulder to lean on for Sarah.  However, what I didn't realize was that Sarah felt alone when I did that and needed me to be there with her in those very raw and difficult emotions.  Guys in general are not good at sharing their feelings or dealing with emotions in general.  What I thought I was doing right was being the guy that she lean on and to be her rock.  What I didn't know was that she needed to know that she wasn't crazy in feeling the waves of emotions that would come and go each month.  Sarah needed to know that I was struggling too and the most difficult part for me was being ok with not being able to have all the answers or solve all the problems.  During this time, we have also learned to communicate better about our feelings and struggles during these awkward weeks that you wait to take that exciting but frightful test.  When you deal with such deep, raw emotions such as these, it can be a bumpy ride at times.  Your mind has you analyzing every moment and situation and at the same time you are trying to live a normal everyday life.  These Two Weeks of Notice have forced Sarah and I to learn how to communicate better and help be the buoy in these raging waters that the other can hang on to during those difficult moments.

So you may ask, how are we approaching this week and our expectations?  Well I think what we have found is that we while we try not to get too excited about whether or not this is the month, we are hopeful and optimistic that this is the time.  We continue to rely on our faith that in the end this will work out for the best and our prayers will be answered.

As for those inevitable expectations that can play tricks on your mind,....I would rather be excited and hopeful than having low expectations or thinking this is not our time.  We are in round 15 of this heavyweight fight and we have been knocked down a few times, but we are hanging on the ropes and battling hoping that we have our "Rocky" moment and come out victorious.  I might even have to scream out Adrian!!!!!!!

5 Things Worth Your Money in Chicago!

Everyone has their lists on what are the best attractions and best places to visit or see in a city.  This past weekend Sarah and I spent four days touring one of our favorite cities by traveling up to Chicago to explore the Windy City.  Chicago can often be an expensive city and some of the experiences or attractions may not be worth their cost. Below you find our top five places that we thought gave us the most bang for our buck and were well worth the money spent in Chicago.

1. DIVVY Bikes ($7 a person for 24 hours)
Sarah and I were roaming around the city and discussed renting bikes for the day.  Not wanting to spend the $45 a person for four hours, we decided to give the local DIVVY Bikes a try.  These bikes are rented out for short trips around the city.  The bikes cost $7 for a 24 hour period and there are docking stations for the bikes all around the city.  The only catch to the bike is that you can only have them out for 30 minutes at a time before being charged and additional $2 per hour.  The bikes are great for hopping around the city to see the sights.  We started with our bikes down around Buckingham Fountain and rode them up to a docking station by the Navy Pier.  We continued this pattern throughout the day biking to different sites, including our hotel, to see the city and get around without spending money on a cab.  I would recommend these bikes to anyone who wants to see as much of the city as they can in an short time without having to pay for a taxi.  These bikes were definitely work the $14 it cost for the two of us that day!

2. Wishbone Restaurant 1001 W. Washington Blvd. ($15-$17 a person with tip)
This is an absolutely amazing spot for brunch with friends!  While in Chicago, our friend recommended Wishbone as a great place for a Saturday morning brunch.  We were not disappointed!! First of all, the setting was perfect.  We sat outside watching people walk by with their dogs and restaurant goers enter and leave as we enjoyed great service and great food.  The portions were HUGE!!  This was our first meal of the day and our bellies were filled to capacity that we did not eat again until late that evening around 7pm.  Sarah and I both chose the omelets that our waiter raved about while his bodacious smile and TV like personality....I had the Savannah Shrimp Omelet with ham and Sarah enjoyed the Spinach Omelet.  The omelets came with a huge serving of home fries and toast.  I know everyone has their favorite breakfast spot when it comes to the city, but I guarantee that it is worth the time to head to the Near West Side of the city to visit Wishbone. 

 

3. Chicago Architecture Tour ($30 for Adults, $15 for Kids)
One of the great ways to see the city is riding along the Chicago River in a boat on the architecture tour.  We took this tour last summer while visiting the city and were blown away at the beauty and history of the buildings in Chicago.  The guides are very knowledgeable about the various buildings and give you a unique perspective of a different angle you often do not see.  While in Chicago this weekend, we saw boats full of people taking the tour on a wonderful sunny afternoon.  As we simply walked the city this year, we still found ourselves reflecting on the various buildings we saw on the tour last year and the unique facts we had learned about the buildings on the tour .  For example, we learned the Hard Rock Hotel building we stayed in was designed like a champagne bottle at the top with a gold pillar reaching to the sky.  The 75 minute tour of the city is definitely worth your time and money as a fun way to see the amazing architectural features that Chicago has to offer.

4. Millennium Park ($ Free!!)
Many people know Millennium Park for the Bean shown above and Buckingham Fountain.  A stay is Chicago is not complete without taking some time to stroll through Millennium Park and all that it has to offer for both kids and adults.  For the younger ones, there is the Bean where you can see your reflections in 100 different ways, there are the water pillars which is a virtual water park in the city where kids can play and cool off on a hot day, and there are open fields to play and run freely.  For the adults, the Bean is always a cool place for us to visit and along with the sights of the skyline and Lake Michigan, there are many vibrant outdoor restaurants to stop by and quench your thirst.  This weekend was the Taste of Chicago, which was a free event with concerts and events all weekend long.  Throughout Millennium Park and the Taste were local vendors in which you could purchase tickets to dive into all of the wonderful samples Chicago has to offer.  There are events like these always happening in the park which makes it a must see while in the city.

 

 

5. A View of the City ($$$ Priceless)

When you think of seeing a view of the city, most people often think of the John Hancock Building or the Willis Tower.  While these are great for many, I think they are often overrated and overpriced places that do not give you the bang for your buck that many other sites in the city can for a unique perspective and view.  Over the past few summers, Sarah and I have been finding great places to see the city from and they have often not cost us a dime.  One of our first trips, we took the elevator ride up to  the Signature Room at the Hancock building.  Being young and in love at the time, we thought was the romantic thing to do.....$25 and two drinks later we were stuck in the middle of the room with no view of the city.  However we have found our more special moments have been at places like the Lincoln Park Zoo standing on the bridge looking back at the city, or even simply standing at the end of the Navy Pier looking back at the view.  This year we were fortunate to stay with a friend whose building had a deck at the 29th floor looking out over Millennium Park and Lake Michigan (and for those of you in your 30s and remember "Adventures in Babysitting," a great view of the Crain Communications Building or Diamond Building.)  The picture above does not do the view justice, but it was an amazing way to see the city.  So I challenge you to look for a different way to see the city and the skyline without busting your budget to pay to ride up one of the commercial buildings in the city.

 

I know there are many other great places that are worth your money in Chicago and I would love to hear about them. Post a comment below with a place you think is worth your time and money in the City.  I can't wait to find some new spots to visit in the future!!



This is how you have a baby???

Sarah and I have been trying to add an addition to the family for the past year and a half.  While I secretly hope for a lefty who can throw in the low 90s, Sarah is the sane one of us hoping for a healthy baby.  Today for the second time in two months, we are going through the IUI process in order to be able to conceive.  For those of you don't know, the best way I can relate it in a sports term is the doctor setting a great screen for an open 15 foot jump shot.  The doctor simply clears away the obstacles of conception and gives you the best chance for conceiving.  Now what I can tell you is that we still have a way better shot of me hitting that 15 footer than having a baby and I am an average shooter at best!  To explain the actual process without too much detail, Sarah went in for an ultrasound yesterday in which they found a follicle that contained an egg (I think....sometimes I get confused in this whole process) and thus they gave her a shot to force the body to ovulate.  We then follow the doctor's orders by today having me go in to give my "specimen" and then an hour later Sarah will have a procedure to implement my "specimen" to give us the best chance at pregnancy.  This whole procedure is not cheap and at best gives us a 20% chance of becoming pregnant.  After today we begin the whole waiting process in which two weeks from now if she can wait that long Sarah will take a pregnancy test.  Last month we went through this entire process only to get a negative test and find out the IUI did not work.  The doctor told us ahead of time it may take a few times to make this happen, but we were obviously very disappointed to put it lightly.  It is a rollercoaster of emotions and today we are back on the way up with optimism that this month the IUI will work.

Sometimes I ask myself why do all of this......is this God's plan for us or are we meant for something else.  It is about the time I ask myself  that I see Sarah holding one of our friend's babies and realize what an amazing mother she would be and how we must just keep our faith in this process.  Until that day comes, we will keep believing and praying and enjoying the blessing that is each other.

So today for us, please say a prayer and think happy, strong swimmers!!

Working out.....it will cost you!

Recently my wife Sarah and I began looking at our budget and trying to find ways to cut costs and pay off our debt.  We have struggled recently to pull more out of our budget without taking away from the hobbies that we enjoy.  Dinners out and spending money on "extras" have all been eroded away as we continue to review our monthly budget.  Then one day came the realization that we were paying $185 a month to workout!!  Now you might ask how we ever got to be paying that much for gym memberships.....well let me tell you.  Last November, I began going to a local Crossfit gym and immediately fell in love with the people and the challenges of the workouts.  At this point and time, Sarah and I were already members at Anytime Fitness in Speedway and between the two of us that cost about $45 a month.  When I first added Crossfit, that became an additional $100 a month to our workout total.  Finally as time progressed, I wanted to move to the more difficult and more frequent workouts at Crossfit bringing my total there to $145 and our overall bill to $185 a month.  Now some of you may be saying how in the world can you spend that much on WORKING OUT????  Well first of all, Sarah and I are big fitness people and Sarah herself is a personal trainer.  When I moved to Crossfit, I didn't cancel the Anytime Fitness as that allowed me to workout with Sarah from time to time and in our minds was only $25 a month. 

Then one day it hit Sarah and I like a two by four across the head on how much we were spending on working out each month in an effort to be healthy.  We started doing the math that if we saved that money instead of paying others to let us workout, over the next 20 years we could save over $100,000!!!!  Holy Crap was our first thought!!!  Since this day we have spent roughly $800 to build our own gym in our garage being able to do the many things I could at Crossfit.  We have canceled our memberships at both places and have vowed to find other ways to stay fit.  We even sold an extra computer and some of my textbooks for classes to pay for the gym.  Now we begin the process of building our savings and not paying to workout!

So I challenge you to think about what you spend each month at the gym.  How much could you save over the next 20 years?  Find ways to workout around the house or buy some simple equipment for your garage.  Many sites post their workouts and can be done with minimal equipment.  Fitness is not showing up and running on the treadmill! Think outside the box and think with your wallet as well!

Happy Savings!