Two Weeks Notice

On Monday of this week, I woke up feeling tired and bloated and I began to wonder if maybe this was the month.....and then Sarah reminded me that we had been in Chicago all weekend and all of the eating and running around was why I was feeling tired and bloated.  I relaxed a little bit and went about my week and getting back into routine of the school year starting for me.  Then Wednesday morning I woke up and my chest was really sore and I just knew it looked bigger from the day before.  I went to Sarah with my concerns starting to believe that now I had another sign that this could be it.......and then Sarah reminded me that yesterday I had done some bench presses and worked out a little too much and that is why my chest was sore and bigger.  I sighed and walked away dejected that my theory had some holes in it and tried to move on.  Finally on Friday afternoon I greeted Sarah at the door as she walked in from work with foolproof evidence that this was finally the month!  The last two days I had craved chocolate, Diet Coke, and that I was always hungry and snacking.  Sarah shook her head and did her best to let me down easy as she reminded me I had been at my Leadership Retreat with other administrators and the place we stayed had an open snack bar for everyone.  She convinced me not to take a pregnancy test and that all was fine and we should simply wait until the doctor told us to take a pregnancy test.  I realized she was probably right and agreed with her, but still made sure to sneak away and hide some pregnancy tests for later when she wouldn't know.

Some of you may or not get the paragraph above if you have never lived through it.  I know I didn't understand it when it first started happening and even today I am not sure I am fully aware of the Two Weeks of Notice. Every month you live through these Two Weeks of Notice where the potential to get pregnant ebbs and flows.  What I have found as I study for my Masters in Fertility I guess is that there is a very specific timeframe to conceive a baby and to find out if you have conceived.  Within these two weeks are days packed with raw emotion and constant overthinking of every feeling or intuition.  Over the last year and a half, there have been many weeks like above for Sarah and I (though the roles are reversed and not as dramatic as I make them seem.)  Each month has had its own different flavor for each of us and the way we interpret and try to rationalize our feelings and expectations.  It is hard to manage these expectations that you carry with you about getting pregnant, applying for a new job, or trying to buy a new house.  Then there are those fun months when all of those are wrapped together into one!  Here is what I have learned about expectations over this last year and a half:

1. They are very real and sometimes very raw
2. They can play tricks on your mind if you are not careful
3. They can eat away at you if you do not communicate about them

We have gone into months with high expectations only to come crashing down, we have gone into months with low expectations only to be proven right.  We have tried to approach each month in just about every which shape or form in a fight to keep our sanity along the way.  The toughest part for me during this time is that the parody above is something my wife lives with each month and actually FEELS with her body.  I can only bring my hopes and expectations, she is the one who not only has those but also can tell when her body is feeling different.  At first, I didn't do so well with being a supportive spouse even though I thought I was.  I took the manly route of being strong and being the shoulder to lean on for Sarah.  However, what I didn't realize was that Sarah felt alone when I did that and needed me to be there with her in those very raw and difficult emotions.  Guys in general are not good at sharing their feelings or dealing with emotions in general.  What I thought I was doing right was being the guy that she lean on and to be her rock.  What I didn't know was that she needed to know that she wasn't crazy in feeling the waves of emotions that would come and go each month.  Sarah needed to know that I was struggling too and the most difficult part for me was being ok with not being able to have all the answers or solve all the problems.  During this time, we have also learned to communicate better about our feelings and struggles during these awkward weeks that you wait to take that exciting but frightful test.  When you deal with such deep, raw emotions such as these, it can be a bumpy ride at times.  Your mind has you analyzing every moment and situation and at the same time you are trying to live a normal everyday life.  These Two Weeks of Notice have forced Sarah and I to learn how to communicate better and help be the buoy in these raging waters that the other can hang on to during those difficult moments.

So you may ask, how are we approaching this week and our expectations?  Well I think what we have found is that we while we try not to get too excited about whether or not this is the month, we are hopeful and optimistic that this is the time.  We continue to rely on our faith that in the end this will work out for the best and our prayers will be answered.

As for those inevitable expectations that can play tricks on your mind,....I would rather be excited and hopeful than having low expectations or thinking this is not our time.  We are in round 15 of this heavyweight fight and we have been knocked down a few times, but we are hanging on the ropes and battling hoping that we have our "Rocky" moment and come out victorious.  I might even have to scream out Adrian!!!!!!!